Saturday, May 30, 2009

Gordon Surfaces To Talk Crap

Iain Martin of the Telegraph has been wondering whether Gordon Brown is still alive, since we haven't actually seen him for a couple of weeks. But today an article written by him - and I use the word 'article' loosely, since it's a mere 475 words - appeared in the Sun. And it all seems so very familiar. Article in full, with my comments in red:

I came into politics because I wanted to change the world. [Modesty at its best] I love this country and, like most British people, I’m proud of the way that we decide things democratically. [Like picking our Prime Minister?]

We've got no big history ['We've got no big history' - what sort of fucking grammar is that?] of extremism [I seem to recall an organisation called the IRA, but what the hell] in this country because our Parliament - the oldest in the world - has always been a symbol of how we decide things fairly together.
But our democracy has been discredited by the scandals of recent weeks — revelations that have made me furious because it seems some people have been serving themselves and not the public. [Like spending £6,000 of our money on a cleaner when you earn nearly £200,000 a year, and claiming the Additional Costs Allowance every year, despite having at least one grace and favour home since 1997?] So I’m determined to do whatever it takes to clean up politics. [Good - sack the Cabinet, resign and call an election]

I’ve moved quickly to take action, and there is no way that those who have defied the rules will be standing as Labour candidates at the next election. [No, you waited to see what the Conservatives would do, and then copied them, only not as well. Hence your stupid 'star chamber' idea which only looks at whether the rules were broken - a far narrower remit than the Conservative version. Since the rules were so vague and useless, the majority of Labour MPs will be let off the hook - despite the tough talk] But every single MP needs to reflect on what recent weeks have taught us — that the public feel bitterly let down by politics and they want politicians to be showing what we are doing to help them. [Actually, I think we'd much prefer to not see you stealing our money] The first thing is to clean up the system and for MPs to get back to their constituencies and face the public. [Go on then, lead by example]

But equally important is for my Labour MPs to explain to families and businesses what we are doing to fight back against the global recession. [Ahh, a subject change to your favourite hobby horse] I was pleased to be able to meet yesterday owners [Seriously, syntax?] of brand new cars who have been able to take advantage of the Labour Government’s new scrappage scheme for vehicles over ten years old. [The most important policy in a generation, surely?] Thirty-five thousand have taken up the offer in just a few weeks. [Yes, because Labour trailed it for ages before actually introducing it. What we have seen is an accumulation of people - come back to me in 6 months and tell me the numbers are just as high] The scrappage scheme is just one example of the things Government can do to give people a helping hand when times are tough. [People who find things so tough they still have money to buy a new car?] New help to give homeowners reassurance against the threat of repossession is another. [Do you mean this scheme? The one that precisely two households have taken up?]

That is the kind of thing that I and all Labour MPs came into politics for [You came into politics to earmark £285 million for two households and help people with mortgages? I thought you came into politics to change the world...] — and we need to make sure that every one of our constituents know what is on offer to help people through these difficult times. [But Tory constituents can go hang - right?]

But to restore lasting trust in politics we also need to change the House of Commons so we put the public in control and ensure MPs are closer to the people they represent. [I don't know whether this is another call for PR or what, but it's rather rich for you to suddenly notice the gulf between the public and politicians when you've spent the last 12 years trying everything within your power to widen it]

We need new powers at local level, like giving people powers to call to account their local councillors [And all this has precisely what to do with MPs? Nothing - it's just another gimmick to make people feel like they have power over their lives] or giving young people more influence on local budgets and services. [Why the hell do you think this would be a good idea?] Above all, we need changes that will allow Sun readers [Just Sun readers?] to better hold us to account as we focus on the big issues that matter to their lives — saving their jobs and houses [Unemployment is rising at record rates. Also, two households...] from the impact of the downturn, investing in good public services [And smothering them with red tape] and cracking down on crime. [Does anyone actually believe you are doing this anymore?]

Those are your priorities [Don't tell me what to think, please] and my priorities [No changing the world anymore, then?] , and this Government’s focus as we build Britain’s future. [Hopefully one which won't involve you at all]

Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Rhetorical Question?

Why have precisely none of these MPs been discovered claiming too little?


Thought of the day, there.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Darling Has No Shame

The idea of Alistair Darling being a good guy in with a bad crowd seems to die a little more every day. Now it has emerged that he, along with eight other members of the Cabinet, put accountants on their expenses. His statement on the issue was:

“Like many MPs, I employed an accountant to prepare tax returns for each of the years in question to ensure that the correct amount of tax was paid.”

First of all, precisely nobody employs accountants to ensure they pay as much tax as possible. Accountants are hired to make money work better for you, and to ensure your interests are served; not to hand over big bags of your earnings. And secondly, he didn't employ an accountant - we did.

Alan Johnson Is Just Another Shit

There's a lot of talk at the moment about Alan Johnson overthrowing Gordon Brown, and leading the Labour party to electoral victory - or a lesser loss than they might experience under Brown. There is also a slightly worrying trend for people to forget that Johnson:

a) Admitted he wasn't up to the job of being Prime Minister
b) Has been a Minister under both Brown and Blair
c) Has absolutely no real political achievement to his name whatsoever

I guess that just shows how limited Labour's options are, but it also demonstrates that Johnson isn't this peripheral figure - he's been deeply involved in everything Labour has done for the last 12 years. In other words, why on earth should he be considered to be something different and new?

And his Times article today shows precisely how he isn't going to change anything, mainly because his prerogative is fixing the system to benefit Labour. In essence, he calls for AVP - a form of Proportional Representation - to be adopted after a referendum that would be on the same day as the next election. Picture the scene; the Tories win the next election but, thanks to Labour spending plenty of taxpayers money on the advertising campaign, AVP is then introduced. Come the next election, Labour cosy up to the Lib Dems, form an alliance, and keep the Tories out of power for ever. On the other hand, I suppose we can take some comfort from the fact that if Labour look like they're going to lose the referendum vote, it will probably be scrapped. They have a degree of form in this area.

This is how the current Labour brain works - what is good for Labour and bad for the Tories comes before what is good for the country. By coming up with this ridiculous suggestion - the only purpose of which is to make it easier for Labour to win elections - Johnson shows his true colours. He is not a breath of fresh air, a knight in shining armour, or a working class lad done good. He's a duplicitous turd, a partisan obsessive, and a control freak with a staggering sense of entitlement to power.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Georgia Gould Is Up Her Own Arse

Now that Labour has fought its dirty internal battle to pick its PPC for Erith and Thamesmead, spurned contender and do-nothing Georgia Gould has given an interview to the Evening Standard. She said:

"I've never denied that I'm incredibly privileged but that doesn't mean I'm not a hard worker or genuine in my beliefs. I was democratically voted head-girl at Camden School for Girls, a high-achieving state school, and I went to Oxford, so I could have gone for a high-paying glamorous career. But I do this because I am passionate about it and I love it! Though I do understand," she smiles, "that some people will call me a walking contradiction."

Gosh, she won an election at school. How well that must have prepared her for a life in professional politics. And yes, she could have gone for a high-paying glamorous career, if she demonstrated she had the talent for said career. But the thing is, she has never actually put herself to that sort of test. She has come out of Oxford with the delusional belief that she's making some sort of sacrifice by going into politics, and that she should someone be appreciated for doing that.

The problem here isn't that she's rich, educated, and from a handsome economic background. My party is lead by a man who went to Eton and Oxford, is married to the daughter of a Baronet, and is a distant relation of King William IV. The problem is that Georgia Gould wants to get into politics because she thinks it's a good gig, not because she has shown any talent for it, or indeed any talent in the world outside politics.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Brown Finds Money Behind Sofa

How else can you explain this?:

29th April 2009 - "We have got to balance our responsibilities to those who have served our country with the finance that we need to be able to meet these obligations - and not base our offer on money we cannot afford."

20th May 2009 - "I believe it is possible for us to honour our commitments to the Gurkhas and to do so in a way that protects the public finances."

The man is absolutely devoid of shame.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Anyone Speak Broon?

Writing in the bastion of intellectualism and investigative journalism that is the News of the World, Gordon Brown has said:

"[I am] under no illusions that repayment will not necessarily be sufficient sanction".

Can someone please tell me what on earth that means? Doesn't the inclusion of 'not' make it mean the opposite of what he means to say - that repayment alone is not going far enough?

Standards Complaint

This afternoon I submitted a complaint to the Office of the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards. The complaint is against a female Labour MP, and relates to breaches of the guidelines relating to the proper use of the Communications Allowance. The complaints themselves are concerned with her website, and in particular:

- that it is covered with Labour party logos.
- that it is used to publicise Labour-angled publications.
- that it is used to make claims about Labour's record in a partisan fashion.

I don't want to say much more, just in case it prejudices my complaint and/or leads to crafty changes on the website. But I'll keep you informed of any updates.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Yikes!

Blogging to resume - and hopefully with a bit more regularity - by the end of next week. Too much going on at the moment, and I don't even have expenses forms to fill in.

Picture from the Mail.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

How Much Do They Not Get It?

From the Mirror:

"The Government plans to hit internet firms like Google and Facebook with a new online advertising tax to give more cash to the bloated BBC.

Ministers are desperate to find extra money for state-owned broadcasters.

But it would leave firms like Google with demands for over £100million — and force internet companies to charge for services such as email, search engines and social networking.

A Whitehall source said: 'We need to fund public sector broadcasters like the BBC and Channel 4. The latest idea is a tax on online advertising. The money would go to the broadcasters.'"


Stories like this show two things; that the government doesn't understand the Internet, and that they're quite happy to tax everyone into an early grave. I would also bet money on this scheme costing more to implement than it would recover in taxes. Can you imagine the complexity of trying to tax adverts on Google or Facebook? A tired and desperate idea from a tired and desperate government.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Prescottian Logic

From the Today programme:

"The big decisions are right, but I hear people say 'I don't like this smile'. For god's sake do you go on an aeroplane and ask the pilot has he got a smile or not? Can he land the plane?"

What Prescott doesn't understand is that it's not the smile in itself that's the problem. If Brown was competent and honest, and not a social and political retard, we wouldn't care about this creepy smile. But because Brown is an incompetent, lying and mentally disturbed man, the smile is another part of this unpleasant image. So no, I wouldn't care if my pilot had a creepy smile; I'd care if he was adamant that flying it into a mountain was the best way to land it.