Sunday, April 05, 2009

Testicle Of The Week - Gwyneth Paltrow

The Penguin already has his awesome 'Hoon Of The Day' feature, and I always thought it was a really neat idea. So as something of a homage; throughout the week I'm going to keep a lookout for anyone in the public eye who makes a good job of getting on my nerves, and the most irritating person will then be crowned my 'Testicle Of The Week'. And, despite his shameless media whoring and his weird smile being all over the papers this week, it's not Gordon Brown.
It's not just that she has her own lifestyle website that makes her annoying; last week I read in Metro that she plans to introduce her own guide to London on the site. It's bad enough that she has to live here; married as she is to miserable Coldplay singer Chris Martin. But to think we suddenly need her advice on London is just taking the piss. I don't personally see the point in a guide explaining how you can catch a taxi from Harrods to the Ivy, and then on to some ridiculously expensive club in Mayfair. Come on Gwyneth, show us how to get from Elephant and Castle to Wembley when the Bakerloo line is fucked - do something useful with your stupid site! And then just this morning I read in the Mail that she thinks shampoo gives people cancer, that she doesn't let her kids eat normal food, and that she named these poor children Apple and Moses!


Faux Cu said...

How about Goolie of the week?

Testicle is sooooooooooo medical

The Raven said...

I was also thinking 'nad', or 'nut'.